I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
