if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
