I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
