saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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