are you so shy because you have an std?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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