About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
