I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
