matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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