they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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