There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
