R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
