I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
