Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
