Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
