so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
