At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
