that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
