My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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