the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
whose parrot is this?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Your penis caused this!
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