Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
not ubering you a puppy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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