How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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