margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
