her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
