like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we should paint friendship bongs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
