this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
