"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
