On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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