Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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