Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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