Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
