did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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