If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize