it was like eating out sand paper
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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