Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
