So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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