You can't special order awesome
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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