I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
