Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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