So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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