And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
