Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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