she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
