My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
