me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
