plz talk dirty to me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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