You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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