i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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