Non-Jews are for practice
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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