My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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