so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The adults are the big ones right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
