I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
