just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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