i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize