dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize