So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
