this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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