New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize