Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
