im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
