why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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