just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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