Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
