I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Acid is not a monday night drug
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
