Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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