I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she looked like the before picture.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
