Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize