I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
