how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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