We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
