I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
