I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
