GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
