I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
