i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
