im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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