Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
