I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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