I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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