yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
