we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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