Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
