hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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